Back in April I spent some time in California, spending time with friends, getting some fresh air and sunshine, and visiting all the places I’d only ever dreamed of.
High on the list of places I wanted to see was the Castro in San Francisco, one of the United States’ most well-known gay-friendly and politically-active neighbourhoods, home to the likes of the great Harvey Milk, the iconic Castro Theatre and the fabulous GLBT History Museum.
As I entered the museum I was greeted by a wonderfully chirpy man, ready to instruct me on what I could hope to see as I walked around. A typical sunny Californian, he really looked happy to see those who ventured inside for a peek, always willing to answer questions and make our visit a worthwhile one.
Then he turned to ask me, “So, what brings you here?”
I told him I was fascinated with Harvey Milk’s life and was interested to discover more by visiting the area he helped make so famous through his non-stop fight for equal rights.
My breath caught in my chest as I laid eyes on Harvey’s T-shirt, his megaphone, and all the other little items donated by his one-time partner, Scott Smith. So many personal things that once belonged to one of my idols lay directly in front of me and I became overwhelmed with sadness and anger thinking about how his life had come to such a tragic end.
As I ventured further into the museum I found myself more and more unable to speak. Photographs showing the never-ending fight for equality and expression, as well as the pain, rage and suffering caused by so much injustice and hate covered the walls.
The bravery and heroism of the protesters, students and victims displayed in these pictures struck a chord with me. This collection in particular was from such a recent period (1985-1990); From my own lifetime. And while AIDS victims now have access to medicine without the callousness and ignorance that once rained, I couldn’t help but stare at these photos and think of the wars we’re still fighting, those battles for equal rights that are still left ignored.
Cabinets displayed more and more articles, clippings, and souvenirs from the campaigns that had once rained through the streets of California. Letters to and from politicians, advocating the rights that every human being is entitled to, provided a backdrop to reports and flyers screaming to be heard.
A small corner of the museum displayed photographs, books and posters dating back to the 19th and early 20th centuries, proving that, although hidden from society, sexuality was always something people were born with and no amount of pressure from hierarchy or the “powers that be” could suppress their true feelings and natural urges.
Gorgeous displays of drag in pictures, posters, and stunning clothing and jewellery taught me all about the earliest forms of cross-dressing in vaudeville and burlesque and how it had evolved and spread all around the globe as the decades passed.
It was the screenings of marches, protests and chanting that broke me, though. The two vintage-style televisions, sat in the corner, playing footage of activists staging sit-ins, picket lines and even die-ins, throwing out the call “Out of the closets and into the streets”, shook me from inside.
The persecutions and hatred, the prejudice and bigotry, roared on in front of me as the moving pictures told their story of a revulsion so hurtful, I almost had to look away. So much denial for something so natural.
I’ve never made a huge deal out of my sexuality. I’ve never “come out” and announced it to friends and family because I never felt the need to. My sexuality felt like a normal part of me and coming forward to tell everyone what my preference was always seemed like a strange thing to do. It felt as strange as announcing, “I have two arms/green eyes/bony elbows, etc.”
But it wasn’t until I wandered around the GLBT Museum that I began to realise why these steps are so important.
This museum represented only a small portion of the world; The people who fought – and are still fighting – for equality in California and laid down their lives to be heard. So much pain and suffering was caused and so much bravery and togetherness rose up just so everyone could be able to walk down the street with their head held high and not be treated like an outsider.
When I thought about everything that had been done in this state and how much more suffering and rage had washed through the world, I began to cry. I suddenly understood the bravery so many people need to step forward, be proud of who they are and not be afraid to let the world know.
I’m lucky to come from an open-minded family who I know will always support me. Yet, somehow, I’ve still been afraid to come forward and tell them who I am. I feel ashamed of myself for holding it back for so long; For not having the balls to say:
❤ I’m a bisexual woman. I’m equally attracted to women and men.
❤ I’ve had relationships with men and relationships with women.
❤ I was afraid and confused about how I felt towards women until I went to university and met people who taught me that I wasn’t strange or unusual. Until then, I’d felt very alone.
❤ I was hurt by the friend who said my sexuality was only a ‘faze’ and that I was probably saying it ‘to show off.’
❤ I get angry and upset by people who assume that, because I’m a woman, I’m just going through an experimental stage in my life and will eventually grow out of it and settle down with a man.
❤ I am not loose. I’m tired of the assumption that people who share my sexuality will have anyone and everyone.
❤ I do not fancy you. “I’m fine with your sexuality … as long as you don’t come on to me.” … Just because I’m attracted to your sex doesn’t mean you’ve become irresistible to me. I’m not usually attracted to heterosexual women; That only happens in the movies.
❤ Two things that helped teenage me realise that being attracted to women as well as men was okay? Willow in Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Susan and Carol in Friends.
❤ I get extremely frustrated and upset by people whose reason for voting YES to Gay Marriage is: “I could never look my gay friends in the eye if I didn’t.“ That is not a valid reason. BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS ARE.
Today is National Coming Out Day, a day of celebration for those who identify as Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender and a day to raise awareness of civil rights, the GLBT community, and that big step we all face of finally disclosing who we really are to the people around us.
So, here it is. My official and long overdue ‘coming out’.
I feel better. I feel relieved. I feel honest. I feel normal.
Big massive cwtch for that. You are bloody gorgeous and I know that whilst it isn’t (and shouldn’t be) a big deal, it can be hard to find the words to adequately express who we are (especially when not everyone in our little town is quite as open minded and awesome about this stuff)
Thanks, my lovely. And you’re totally right about it not being easy when you come from a small town like P.T. I’m so grateful for all the support I’ve had but those words of encouragement that came from all friends and relatives from P.T. kind of meant something that much more because it’s really not that easy to be “yourself” in a town like that. :S
Wow, I really have to go to America at some point, I didn’t even know there was an LGBT museum! How ignorant of me. Congratulations for contributing to this collective coming out day, even if, as you said, it really shouldn’t be that big of a deal. Have a good day!
California as a whole is wonderful; San Francisco is INCREDIBLE. Only one other city in the world has captured my heart the way that place did. I would definitely recommend paying it a visit when you get the chance.
And thank you for your lovely words.
Which would be that other city? I’ll definitely keep those two in mind if I decide to have a walk-about. And you’re welcome.
I’ve only ever had that feeling for San Cristóbal de las Casas which is in the south of Mexico.
SCDLC and SanFran gave me such an incredible feeling when I walked around them – I can’t even explain. I’ve never felt truly “home” until I visited those places. 
Honest, wonderful, lovely. I’m so glad you enjoyed our city and the museum. Come back anytime!
Thank you so much. I definitely intend to visit SanFran and the museum as often as I can.
I think your post is superbly written and I hope that you find nothing but supportive people here. I’ve come out with difficult things or things I considered personal on my blog before and I find it a relief. You are smart, independent, brave as hell, and as the other commentator mentioned, beautiful. You deserve every happiness, with a man or a woman. Thanks for sharing this.
Thanks so much, hun. Your words are too lovely – They make me tear up!
You are amazing
Just following your awesomeness, Ry.
This is beautiful, Ceri. I completely understand what you were saying about pronouncing your sexuality to the world, how it might seem unnecessary to broadcast it, or frankly none of other people’s business (how many straight people have to “come out” as being straight?). But your sheer honesty here is a display of strength. You never know who it might impact and inspire. Thank you for this and for being you! Mil besos!
Thank you so much, Meg.
I definitely understand why it’s important to talk about these things now. I just feel so lucky that I’m surrounded by wonderful and loving people. I feel for those who aren’t so lucky and don’t have such open-minded people around them. I hope the comments to my post can show those people that they aren’t alone and that supportive, loving friends – like yourself – do exist for those of us who need to “come out”. 
Great post, hon. Go you!
Thanks, hunni.
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Best post EVER!
I am also a bisexual woman, and people make all sorts of assumptions about me. I haven’t told my family, because I know how most of them would react, and I’m too much of a coward to say anything. It’s comfortable for me because the person I found happened to be male. :/
Oh, hunni, that’s so sad. I know what you mean, though. I know there are a few members of my extended family who aren’t as open-minded as we’d like and I was quite worried about their reactions when I posted a link to this on FB. They’ve been nothing but supportive though (Though I know there are still family members who won’t react with such ease). It feels so much better to get it out in the open though. I hope one day you find enough strength and courage to maybe do the same. **hugs**
I thought it was a great blog. My wife is bi-sexual as well as my middle sister.
Thanks, Radar.
Good to know you’re there to support two women that you’re close to.
I’m so glad that my favourite city gave you the push to write this. It’s a beautiful reminder of how difficult it can be to speak out about something that feels so simple. Well done for having the courage to make it public darling
Thank you, Flora. That’s so nice of you.
I’m totally not surprised it’s your favourite city. It’s one of mine too. If I could live there, that would definitely be my base.
Thank you for sharing that with us, Ceri. As you said, it shouldn’t be a big deal, but I know even the smallest steps take courage and inner strength.
Thank you, Sewon. You’re right – I hope one day “coming out” isn’t a big deal and it’s never assumed that a child is straight until they come forward to tell their loved ones. Until then, we definitely have to show others that it’s okay to be true to themselves.
I really admire you for writing this (and writing it so well!). I don’t have anything to say other than that.
xx
Thanks so much, Coco. That’s so lovely.
Great that you are ready to put it out there…its something we talked about and shared in Mexico..and I was flattered that you trusted me to do so..love ya lots <3
No one should be made to feel ashamed of his or her sexuality. Thanks for this brave and honest post…and for sharing the true you with us.
Hi, I liked your text so much. I enjoyed it so much. San Francisco is one of my favorit cities since I got a scholarship at the end of the 80′s. I lived there for one year and I think that one has been one of the best years of my life. San Francisco is wonderful¡¡. What do you teach in Mexico? where do you live in Mexico?. Un gran abrazo.
Jaime